The Dark Side of Tension
by Violet Starisma
Summary: The story of the birth of Kylo Ren and what led to Luke Skywalker's self-imposed banishment. Ben Solo was just an impressionable Jedi apprentice struggling against his dark side. But he wasn't alone in his pursuit. Learn of the name he dares to never speak again.
1. I

I

Ben ran through the lily field below the academy with Nana-quaye, trying to keep up with her. She faster than him, more agile than him...he saw the way his uncle doted on her. His uncle didn't treat his own nephew with such clear preference. Ben could feel the strenghth of the force in her from just merely standing close, let alone touching. He loved her and envied her just the same. His rage grew fiercely inside of him. He could feel the power of his negative emotions crawling forward from deep within the recesses of his confused mind. He'd already been training since he was ten, but now at sixteen the tides were turning. He could feel the dark beginning to sway his actions. He'd begun to have feverish dreams filled with images of himself clad in uniform black, the red glow of a lightsaber cutting through his enemies.

Enemies? What enemies? Unless the other apprentices who treated him with polite contempt were his enemies. They knew he was the master's nephew and used it as an excuse to stay away. He knew it was because he was stronger and eccentric. He could hardly stand them. All of them.

All of them except Nana. She'd been a beacon of shining seductive light. She didn't make him feel awkward and unwanted. It was clear she was born to become a Jedi. Her control over her power was perfect in a way he hadn't quite learned to achieve and it made him sick with envy. And with lust for the dark side more than he could bring himself to admit. She threw herself on top of him, knocking him into the sweet grass below. He gazed into her violet eyes. "How childish of you Nana..." He scolded playfully, running his fingertips down the side of her plump cheek. She grinned and leaned closer. "It was the only way to get your attention. You've been brooding alot lately." She pretended to be him, poking out her lip comically while crossing her arms.

He smiled. "Why do you need my attention? You have my uncle's undivided attention."

Her smile fell. He knew it would. "You seek to hurt me as much as you can these days, Ben." She began to pull away from him and he grasped her upper arms, keeping her in her spot. "Forgive me. I'm a little tense. Tomorrow Master will be testing us. I can't relax."

She frowned, the corner of her dark little mouth curving downward in genuine concern. "Ben, I tell you nearly everyday how strong you are. Besides, I can't have a weak, ineffectual husband one day..." She teased kissing his cheek. "We'll have to protect each other someday. And then our future child. What will we name him?"

He shrugged. "I don't know...why should we plan that far into the future?" He asked grumpily. He enjoyed the look of indignation on her face. "How about...Luke?" She asked with a grin and he whipped his head back in her direction. "No!" He bellowed, causing her to jump in shock. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scream..." He assured her stroking her jaw. He knew his touch calmed her. He was one of only two people she let get close enough to touch her. "I always liked the name Terry." He supplied after thinking bout it.

She smiled in confusion. "Terry? I guess Terry Quaye could do." He laughed. "Quaye? It would be Terry Solo. Quaye isn't even your surname! You don't have a surname!"

She leaned forward again, this time her eyes filled with yearning. "I don't have a surname...yet. You'll be able to change that in few years." Her lips met his and Ben was grateful. Grateful that for a few seconds his heart wouldn't be consumed by his less healthy emotions. He rolled on top of her, tiny blades of grass sprinkling their faces.

She pulled his hair from his ponytail and ran her fingers through it. "I love your hair. No matter how dirty you looked when we were growing up, your hair was always pretty and shiny." She sighed. "Hey!" he barked, pretending to be offended. "Don't ever cut it Ben."

He bit his lower lip. "Is it what you like best about me?" He asked, a hint of disappointment in his tone. She slapped his cheek and laughed. "Of course not, you big baby. I love all of you...in fact..." She trailed off, hesitating.

"I'm in love with you Ben Solo. I know we're still young and nowhere close to being finished with our training. I don't need to see all of the Universe yet to know that I'm in love you." Her sincerity rang true within the softness of her voice. Her big eyes were trained on him, filled with trust. Ben couldn't even trust himself anymore and here she was with enough of it for both of them in her eyes.

"Nana, I don't know what to..." He stammered, unsure of telling her he was indeed in love with her as well. She hushed him. "Don't feel the need to say anything. I just wanted you to know. You know...officially." She answered amiably as always, which was why the other apprentices liked her. She was always playful yet bittersweet with her observations, always willing to help the others. He walked her to her side of the dormitory and pulled her behind the door's pillar, sneaking one last kiss.


	2. II

II

Testing did not go well the next day.

Nana was paired up with June, easily subduing him five minutes into their match. He watched how graceful her swordsmanship was, how cleanly her lightsaber sliced through the air without wounding her opponent. He tried hard but he couldn't fight that way. He was already taller than everyone round him, including his uncle. He was lanky with hulking shoulders, brute force was how he landed his saber against another's.

When his match came, he struggled against Farqid. Farqid was smaller and more flexible. His style was closer to Nana's. His little purple body skittered cross the floor with such speed Ben could feel the voice calling to him in his anger. He heard it, the sinister hiss that permeated his dreams, telling him to kill Farqid. End his life. Ben heard faint screaming underneath the hiss and realized it was his uncle shouting at him. He brought his saber down, right against the pale purple light of Nana's. Farqid lay beneath her, terror in his eyes. "No Ben!" She shouted at him with condemnation , he watched as she put her hand up to his stomach. He flew backwards and hit the wall a few feet away, denting the stone. She'd never used the force on him seriously before. The wind was knocked out of him and he struggled to breath, forcing air into his lungs in big gasps.

He heard the hiss again, it was giddy at his mishap. Of almost killing Farqid. He felt a quick, sudden pleasure deep within him. For the first moment it felt as if he could be as strong as his grandfather. "You...could lead my knights...greatness could be yours...relentless power could be yours..." It hissed soothingly. He was starting to hear it more and more outside his dreams.

"What were you thinking? What is happening inside of your head Ben? You can tell me" His uncle pleaded. Ben sat in his uncle's quarters for his lecture, leaning back against the wobbly metal chair. "You think I don't know uncle?"

Luke stared at him in puzzlement. "Know what?"

"Your preference for Nana's talents over mine!" His uncle's shoulders drooped. He looked old and defeated for the first time. He used to look up to his uncle until his mother had forced him to come train as a Jedi apprentice against his wishes. Now he saw Luke as an aggravating deterrent. He knew his uncle sensed the growing darkness within him and pushed in unsubtle ways for him to turn away from it. "I don't prefer any of my apprentices over the other" Luke lied "The force is strong in all of you. No one is more talented than the next."

Ben rose from his seat. "We both know that is a lie. Her force is strongest, almost overwhelming, like my grandfather's was. Why does _she_ get to be as powerful as _him_? I deserve that! It is my right and my lineage. Not hers!" He shouted, his rage reaching a fever pitch.

Luke watched his nephew in shock. He knew Ben had been struggling with feelings of inadequacy when it came to his powers and skill. Luke had hope it would resolve as Ben grew older and had greater control over his force. Luke wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know how to comfort Ben. He wasn't a wide-eyed curious little boy anymore, he was sixteen with the physique and strength of a man already. Luke had seen how inseparable Nana and Ben had been since Ben had arrived years ago. Ben was right, Nana was stronger and Luke had begun secretly training her more in depth than his other apprentices. He hoped they would marry, that Nana would be able to keep Ben's darkness at bay. That she would be able to defeat him should the dark side consume him. He felt dreadful, but it was the only plan he could think of to keep his nephew alive. Nana's light to balance Ben's dark.

"Return to your quarters. You're to remain there, not leaving without permission, for your transgressions against padawan Farqid. Your meals will be brought to you."

"For how long?"

Luke turned his back to him. It suddenly made him nervous to do so. "Until I say."


	3. III

III

The first three days alone were calming. Nana brought his meals but he refused to speak to her, sending her away with cruel silence. He felt awful every time he did it, but he couldn't be near her yet. He practiced with his lightsaber cutting through the quiet of his room with the yellow glow. He paced from one short end of his room to the other. The fourth day he lay in bed, unable to move. His eyes drifted close comfortably and the hiss was back. This time it wore a hideous face. Deep dark pools were it's eyes, a deformed nose and terrible mouth. It sat atop a tall dark throne, beckoning him down a grey corridor. Ben met with the creature unsure of how to react.

"Ben Solo...I felt your awakening...there is delicate balance in you...I felt the potential in your power..."

Ben stared up at it, feeling a dull ache in his temples. "Potential for what?"

The creature leaned forward. "Potential for the dark..."

Ben took a step forward. "Who are you? Why do I hear you in my head all of the time now?"

It hesitated, grinning at him. Ben looked away from the grotesque mouth.

"I am Supreme Leader Snoke...leader of First Order...I want you join me...as my apprentice...as the leader of my Knights of Ren..."

"Why would I do that?"

Snoke put his hand up and Ben felt power surge through him before being lifted off his feet. He was now face to face with Snoke, dangling in midair. "I will make you as powerful as Darth Vader. Your grandfather...the ideal power you try so hard to embody...you will not reach the full potential of the force training here...Luke Skywalker does not have the skills necessary to make you as great as you could be...and your force is already strong...this is why I want you."

Ben trembled at the thought of being all powerful. Surpassing Nana, surpassing his uncle, surpassing his grandfather. The temptation was too hard to resist. "You must accept my proposition if you truly wish to become stronger."

Leia flashed in his mind for a brief moment. His beautiful mother that had forced him to come to his uncle's academy without a convincing explanation. All Ben had wanted to grow up to do was have adventures in each star system and live the freewheeling smuggler's life his father once had. He harbored hatred for her and for his father for not stopping her plans. For forcing him into years of self-doubt and confusion he didn't know how to control. Until now. Leader Snoke was guaranteeing him the rightful power his lineage implied. He couldn't let this opportunity go.

"I accept your offer. What must I do to break away from all of this?"

Snoke paused. "You must separate from someone you love...then you will fully realize the dark...you become Kylo Ren..."

The room went black and Ben plummeted back to the floor. He flew forward in bed and Nana yelped, throwing herself into him. Her arms wrapped around him in a vice grip. "What's the matter? What's happening?" He gasped, sweat seemingly seeping from every pore.

"I came in to deliver your meal and you weren't breathing! I spent the last two minutes trying to breathe air into your lungs thinking you had left this world!" She cried, showering his face with a flurry of kisses. He sat impossibly still, thinking about what Snoke had said. He had to separate from someone he loved. There were only two that he loved here.

"Why do you care if I live or die? You didn't hesitate to blast me with the force a few days ago."

She stopped and gave him a hard stare. "I was preventing you from killing a fellow apprentice. I didn't do it for fun! I care very much whether you live or die. I'm starting to think you don't feel that strongly about me." She left him go and he grabbed her, his weakness eating through. He hated this weakness for her so much. "No, please don't go yet. I'm sorry for what I said. I need you..." He admitted, wrapping his arm around her. His fingertips played with the pendant hanging by a leather string between her breasts. He liked it from the first moment they met, when she'd held up the bronze spiraled swirl that matched her skin proudly. In the middle was a tiny blue star whose significance she'd never told him. He did know it was the last memento from her dead mother. She sucked in a deep breath. "Just please tell me what is happening with you? We're best friends. You've confided in me all this time, why not now?"

He shook his head. "There's nothing to confide."

She exhaled in disappointment. "I need to get to sleep. Let me go Ben." She spoke quietly, her hands dead on her lap. "This early?" He responded in suspicion. He didn't want her to leave yet. If it was her he had to part with, he wanted enough memories to keep with him for when she was gone out of his life. He touched her hands gently and kissed her neck. "Ben I don't think..." He pressed his fingers to her lips. She kissed them. "Please help me. I fear the dark is sinking its claws into me" he confessed and the look in her eyes told him she'd sensed it long before he had. "I won't let that happen! I love you, I'll protect you anyway that I am capable." She responded eagerly. His hands curled around her wrists. He thought about how to deepen his impending pain. He wanted his soul to be fully powered by the dark. "Please accept me Nana..." He whispered and sunk into his bed with her. Her eyes seared his. "Now? I thought our wedding night...don't you want to wait?"

He shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I'm stricken. I need to feel your light. I need to be guided by your light." She took his face into her hands, brushing back wisps of hair from his eyes. "I'll help you, I'll always be be here for you...it was getting hard for me too wait too" She caved easily and confessed, unbuttoning her shirt. His eyes fell on her pendant again, although this time, the little star no longer blue.

It was black.


	4. IIII

IIII

It had been nearly two weeks yet his uncle still chose to punish him with confinement. Nana stayed longer than she was allowed to each day, rushing back to training before she could get into trouble. Leader Snoke continued to visit him in his dreams, showing him terrible images that he wasn't sure how to interpret yet.

He was beyond angry now and food nor sleep or meditation could soothe him. He jolted in bed propelled by Snoke hissing for him to wake up. He was thirsty but his jug was empty. He dressed and snuck out of his room, deciding to refill it at his uncle's private kitchen which was closer to his dorm. His uncle spent this time of night patrolling the grounds. He crept cross the ledge of the building, dropping down silently in front of the door. He forced the lock back mentally and tip toed inside. He found the kitchen, lying dark ahead of him. It was what was to his left that consumed his attention.

He crept up to the door.

Luke guided Nana's wrist as she swung her lightsaber. He patted her shoulder. "You still have tension in your right shoulder. It's preventing you from swinging in a more controlled manner. Soften this shoulder up."

She nodded in disappointment. "There are some in the First Order that fight with brute force, seemingly untrained but deadly. You've come across this style already." He noted without actually saying his nephew's name. Ben seethed. "Yes, I know. I want to help him so much but I'm lost. He leans on me but I have no one to lean on myself. He needs counsel. He told me not to tell but I need advice..." She trailed off and Ben hoped with all his heart that she would not betray him.

"Tell what?" Luke asked, his full attention on her.

"The dark side has been calling to him...he feels he might be giving in but I know he wouldn't because he's stronger than he thinks he is..."

"Traitor!" Ben yelled slicing through the door with his saber.

She instantly went on guard with her own. "You need help Ben! More than I think I can provide!"

He lunged at her."You promised you wouldn't tell! How can I trust you now?" He swung wildly at her, throwing off her game. Each swing was too unpredictable. He reached out and lifted her into the air with the force, throwing her across the room. He turned his attention on his uncle, coming at him quickly. His uncle was quicker than him. Their sabers clashed, Ben using all his might to push Luke's saber into his face. "Ben stop this! This isn't what you really want!"

"Yes it is! I will be great and powerful! I will separate from who I love and the dark side with guard my heart!" He yelled back. Nana slashed his arm, causing him to stumble for a few seconds. Ben gripped his saber tighter and plunged it into his uncle's shoulder, missing his heart on pure accident. Luke cried out in intense pain causing Nana to finally become serious. She moved so fast, Ben had trouble keeping up with her movements. She drove him from the quarters to the garden out back. He'd never seen her fight with her true potential and now he was more envious than ever before. She sliced his thigh and his knee dropped, sweat sliding down his forehead. Her face was soaked from tears, her jet black curls damp against her head from the early morning dew. "I don't want to hurt you Ben. I've never wanted to hurt you. But I will not let you kill Master Luke nor will I let you corrupt this academy."

He bared his teeth to her. "You have no clue what I am going through!" He spit at her through gritted teeth. She shoved the tip of her saber beneath his chin.

"You think you're alone? I've been resisting the call of the dark side since I was eight! When my mother finally took me from my disgusting brother and father...I have felt the temporary comfort that the dark side could provide. When she died and asked Master Luke to take me...it was then when he looked into my eyes I knew darkness was not the way. I still struggle but I make an effort to turn away from it! What is stopping you?"

Ben sat clutching the bleeding surface wound on his arm. She'd never revealed this to him before. There were a few parts of her past she resisted him probing. Knowing she'd been fighting the dark side all of this time as well, made him feel the purist love he'd ever felt in his whole life. He turned his saber off and dropped it at his side. She turned hers off in relief and dropped to her knees in front of him. "Ben, please find it within yourself to fight. You're so strong..."

He smiled sadly. "I know, you've told me everyday for seven years. I never believed it until this very moment." He kissed her, knowing resolutely what he had to do.

"I'm in love with you too." He finally admitted.

She smiled back at him happily, distracted, her pretty mouth contorting into pain seconds later. She looked down to where he'd pierced her through with his saber. "Why? Ben?" She uttered, falling back against his waiting arm. She coughed and blood sprayed from her lips. "I have to Nana! I can't turn back now. This is my destiny..." He tried to explain but now he watched her dying, still young and beautiful. Her trusting eyes still fixed on his face. He realized how his jealousy of her was another weakness he'd given into. He realized he didn't want her to die. "Nana, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Don't leave me...please don't leave me!" He choked out grasping her face in his huge hands.

"It was a lie?" She asked, her breathing quickening. He cried harder than when his mother had sent him away. He kissed her face, feeling his heart wrenched from his chest.

"No, it wasn't. I'm in love with you but I'm so confused. I want to get stronger but sacrifices had to be made. I don't want to lose you!" He kissed her lips, she parted his with her tongue. He tasted her blood in his mouth. "You must find your way back to the light my love. If you ever truly loved me, you'll consider it. Hurting and killing is not what you were created to do Ben Solo." Her eyelids drooped as she came in and out of consciousness. She weakly pulled his hand to her pendant. "Keep it. Against your heart. Never let it go. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you from the dark."

Her breathing came to a halt. He wailed in pain, his face buried in her chest where no heart beat anymore. He put her necklace on and tore cloth from her tunic. He tore two holes and tied it to his face as mask.

"Kill the others...go now..." Snoke hissed in his head.

He looked down at Nana once more before he set out to the dormitories.


	5. V

V

"You've slaughtered all of them?"

Ben nodded solemnly. "Yes Supreme Leader."

Blood dripped from the new wound on his chest where one of the female padawan's had dared challenge him. She was good but not good enough for her sake and the others that had been sleeping blissfully. He'd felt a level of satisfaction and sickness entwined while taking their lives. They cried for him to stop, some trying feebly to use the force on him. He'd been able to outlast them all. Nana hadn't been lying to him all these years. He was strong and he'd crushed all the other apprentices.

"And Luke Skywalker?" Snoke questioned.

"Dead."

Ben had gone back and found his uncle lying face down, blood still pooling from his shoulder, no heartbeat. He mourned him secretly as well. He had loved his uncle but his uncle only sought to hold him back. Keep him from progressing. Now Ben was unencumbered.

Snoke waved his hand in front of him and Ben's wounds healed. With another flick of his wrist, Ben was outfited in the black robes he'd wore in his dreams. He pulled his hair from the ponytail he'd worn since he was ten. His hair fell down at his shoulders.

"You are no longer Ben Solo. Ben Solo is dead."

He nodded in agreement.

"You are hereby now known as Kylo Ren, leader of the Knights of Ren."

"Who are the Knights of Ren?"

Snoke leaned back in his seat. "You shall soon see and learn all, my apprentice."


	6. VI

VI

Kylo Ren sat watching Rey, waiting for her to wake up. All of his memories had flooded back to him in her presence. Her very being had brought up the most painful of memories. Losing his beloved and the last chance he would ever get to have a family of his own. And his failure back then to ensure his uncle was actually dead. He didn't want to remember Nana's lightsaber he kept hidden in his quarters that he couldn't bear to part with. He didn't want to remember Ben Solo.

"I'm Kylo Ren." He muttered through his mask softly to remind himself. His fingers brushed the outline of Nana's pendant under his robes.

Her eyes flew open and she looked at him with contempt and curiosity.

He locked the memories away. It was no time to fail again.


End file.
